Motherhood the Second Time Around: How to Minimize the Risk of Postpartum Depression.
As a bilingual NYC therapist specializing in postpartum care, I’ve worked with many moms who feel overwhelmed, sad, or alone. Let’s explore how you can rebuild joy and support for your second journey into motherhood.
What is Postpartum Depression? According to Postpartum International data, one in five women experience postpartum depression. Of course, these numbers are probably much higher as lots of moms chose to suffer in silence due to mental health stigma. As you know from your first-hand experience going through postpartum, its symptoms can feel quite debilitating, and at the same time, due to the societal pressure and mental health stigma, lots of moms choose to suffer in silence and not get the help and support that they deserve. As you start thinking about having a second child, you might see this scary picture again: you are dealing with the postpartum. The good news is although you do have a risk as you went through PPD in the past, your experience can be a path and also a way for outlining the resources and support.
Remembering Your First Postpartum Experience
You might still have a pretty good memory of the scary picture that you experienced, recalling how postpartum felt overwhelming and lonely: how hours of the day felt so long, how you felt sleep-deprived, and how taking care of the long-waited baby felt like a chore with no joy. You might recall how scary it was to stay with the baby, how getting outside with the baby felt like a mission impossible. Your pre-baby life felt like another universe, and you were an alien in it. You lost connection with your friends and felt ashamed to share what was happening with you. You forgot when the last time you smiled or laughed. You might remember how painful you felt, your tears on the pillow, and asking yourself a dreadful question: why did you sign up to be a mom? You remember looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing a stranger you hardly recognize.
What factors can minimize the risk of Postpartum Depression? If you look back on your first experience of being a mom, what kind of support did you miss? Did you tend to lack internal support? Did you have unrealistic expectations what does it like to be a mom? Did you compare yourself with the social media image of motherhood, or did you tend to rely on societal pressure on what motherhood should look like without checking with yourself? The next question to ask yourself is if you felt isolated or did not have your tribe. Did you rely solely on yourself to be a mom and pride yourself on not needing help? Did you have mom friends, or did you keep in touch with your old friend? Isolation tends to intensify the symptoms of postpartum depression. Your postpartum depression thrives when you stay alone with the baby for a long time. Depression also gets louder when you tend to compare yourself to others and when you set unrealistic expectations that are hard to achieve when it comes to being a mom. Depression would be appreciated if you would constantly beat yourself up and criticize yourself. Another question to reflect on is if you had any joy while being a parent. Depression thrives when you stop doing things that used to bring you joy and feeling good about yourself. Last but not least, did you ask for help? Did you ask your family and friends to help you? Did you reach out for professional help, like seeing a therapist who specializes in working with postpartum moms? Did you have outside help when it comes to house chores? Did you have a babysitter? Did you allow yourself to reach out to a specialist who would help you with challenges, for example, a lactation specialist or doula?
Reflecting on your first postpartum experience can be a path to empower and support yourself during your second time being a mom. By noticing what kind of support you have been missing, you can bring awareness and intentionality to external and internal support. What exactly does it mean? It would mean starting to bring awareness and support around postpartum depression. You can do it by joining a free support group through Postpartum International. Educating yourself and your loved ones about postpartum depression is key to catching it early.
Know the Symptoms: Be mindful of persistent feelings of sadness, irritability, or hopelessness. If you notice these signs, don’t wait—reach out for help. You can start reading books that talked what you went through. Karen Kleiman wrote a book focuses on Postpartum Depression, This isn't what I expected. Overcoming postpartum depression. Another great book might be worth reading is “What was I thinking about having a baby after postpartum depression?” by Karen Kleiman.
Build your support system or mom tribes. Join local or virtual mom groups where you can share experiences, gain advice, and feel less alone. Sometimes, just hearing “me too” can make all the difference. Make yourself visible in mom circles. Go to the local playground and say hi to the local moms. Ask questions about resources: where to find friendly pediatricians and their thoughts on the particular stroller. Start having small conversations that can potentially lead to friendship and support.
Have an open conversation with your partner, family, and friends about your needs and how they can support you. The support can range from having a listening ear, going with you on the walk, offering babysitting, meal prep, or just holding a baby so you can take a shower. Create a system of professional support that you might need after giving birth. Get in touch with the lactation specialist if you plan to breastfeed. Hire a doula or have a reliable sitter so you can have another pair of hands while going through the first weeks of postpartum. Do not shy away from telling friends and family how they can support you. For example, tell them,” It would be so great if you could bring a meal” and tell them exactly what you would like. Remember, people cannot read your mind what you need.
Seek Professional Help. There’s no shame in reaching out for professional support. In fact, it’s a sign of strength. Connect with a therapist who specializes in postpartum mental health before the baby arrives. They can provide tools and strategies to navigate challenges and a safe space to discuss your experiences. Working with the postpartum therapist can also help develop a necessary tool, such as self-compassion. Let your OB-GYN or midwife know about your past experience with postpartum depression. Have a conversation with your doctor if you need medication options.
Hey there, fellow mom! I know the thought of going through postpartum depression again can be really crippling. But remember, you're not alone, and this time, you're armed with experience and insight. My name is Yuliya Golubev; I am a bilingual therapist NYC therapist who helps mothers like you who feel sad, ashamed, and alone. Together, we will have a dialogue about what you were missing back then and what it would be like to rebuild it now. We will work as a team to understand what you need to feel joy as a mom. We will work on a plan that empowers you to thrive as a mom.
References:
1 Karen R. Kleiman MSW, LCSW and Valerie Davis Raskin, MD. This isn't what I expected. Overcoming postpartum depression, 2013
2. Karen R. Kleiman, MSW. What Am I Thinking: Having a Baby After Postpartum Depression. 2005.
3. Postpartum Support International. https://www.postpartum.net/
