Red Light, Green Light, One, Two, Three...Or How To Overcome Your Fears?

Red Light,

GREEN LIGHT,

ONE, TWO, THREE…OR HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR FEARS?

Red light, green light, one, two, three... We all remember this game that we played while being kids. The game rules are simple when we hear command - green light –we run or walk; when we hear command-red light-we stop.

We are not kids anymore, but the rules of the game perfectly illustrate the principle how the fear of being reinforced.

The green light is our internal message in our head: we feel brave, feel safe, and act.

Red light is our internal message in our head for danger or stop. The more red lights we have in our head, the more we procrastinate or avoid anxiety-provoking activities. So what happens when we habitually or routinely stop ourselves from particular activity since we tell ourselves a scary story?

To get the answer let’s go back to being a child and hear the game rules again: red lights, green lights-one, two, three.

You are right; the game turns into the only red light stop, traffic-or being stuck.

I love using experimental work in the therapy room. I ask my clients to notice their body sensations, feelings, and thoughts when there is a green light and a red light. Therapy sessions create an opportunity to recognize when they are stopping ourselves, not only when they share a narrative with me but also outside the therapy room. We discuss a sign of a body sensation like tightness in the chest or butterfly in the stomach, or others. What will be a thought when a client is stopping themselves? And what feel be a feeling?

By working together, we bring awareness to the thought process, feelings, and body sensation. We invite curiosity in the therapy room to see what thought will result in green light and action. What thought will turn the green light to red light cause traffic and feeling of being stuck.

By bringing up awareness and curiosity, we create flexibility within us that provides us tools to turn green and red light based on the situation, not based on the absolutes in our heads. Clients start riding on-road, noticing the variety of lights. If there is a red light on the road causing traffic, a client uses a creative way to go around to unpack the stuckness.

As an NYC therapist, I help my clients to navigate life roads by noticing traffic lights, stuck points, the area of congested traffic. Together we are working on better navigation, exploring different routes to get from point A to point to B.

What red light does to your relationship, work, and self-care? What does it like to turn a green light?