Five Tips on How You Can Handle Your Layoff
Yuliya Golubev, LMHC, LPC, CASAC
This moment that you had been so afraid and worried about for the last six months came. You got laid off...
You have already witnessed some of your friends going through this and some of yours co-workers, but it is not helping you now. It might feel surreal and shocking, but it is a new reality.
Layoff is not only the loss of income; it is a loss of your social group, self-esteem, and stability in your daily structure. There are lots of worries that come with unemployment. "What if I will not find a job?" What if the economy stays the same? What if I run out of money to pay my bills."
I hear a lot of fears and worries in my work with my clients. What defines worry is it focuses on what a threat is and dismisses the recourses. The anxiety starts with the words what if. What if something terrible happens, and I cannot cope. The worry tells you the same story over the over again. The story has the same threat, what if you cannot find a job. The worry can come at the most unexpected time. For example, when you want to sleep, your anxiety will ask you the same questions, what if you will not find a job. The worry can come many times during the day. The fear keeps asking you, what if something happens and I cannot cope.
One of the first tips is to notice your anxiety. You may ask what the point of catching it is, or I do not want to recognize it; I want to eliminate stress. I do not feel the worry. The paradox is the more you try not to sit with your anxiety about your job search, the more your worry will come with greater power. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, or CBT, provides us some practical tools for how to notice worry. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy tells us that our thoughts, feelings, and behavior are related.
Imagine the triangle. The first part of the triage is your thoughts about your unemployment. The second part of the triangle is your feelings about your unemployment. And the third part of the triangle is your behavior. If your thoughts are what if I am not going to find a job and run out of money, these thoughts contribute to your feelings of being anxious or not feeling confidence. So the first tip on recognizing anxiety is to tell yourself, I have a thought about not finding a job and running out of money. Your thoughts and feelings are not facts. You are dealing with uncertainty. Nobody likes uncertainty. That why it is easier to tell yourself a scary story is instead sitting with uncertainty.
The second tip is to remind yourself that you cannot predict your future. If you start predicting the future regarding finding a job, notice what you tell yourself. There is nothing wrong with cheering yourself up and telling yourself that the opportunity will land eventually or your unemployment will not last forever. The problem with fortune telling is when you engage in adverse fortune telling when you tell yourself on and on what if you will not find a job and how bad it will be.
Feeling lost is another common experience when you are dealing with unemployment. You experience loss when it comes to your daily routine. You experience a loss of income. You are going through the loss of your social group. You also experience a loss of feeling of confidence. The work provided an outlet to feel good about yourself by getting positive feedback about your skills. All of a sudden, you do not have these outlets.
The third tip for dealing with unemployment is creating new outlets for feeling good and connection. The isolation might feel very jarring. The isolation when it comes to unemployment contradicts humans' essential need for connection. We thrive in a relationship, and feeling incredibly uncomfortable in isolation intensifies the feelings of sadness and anxiety. Isolation is even used as a form of punishment in solitary confinement.
The third tip for handling unemployment is to start creating opportunities for connection with people to decrease isolation. The more you stay inside your apartment, the more you feel lonely. Try artificially creating opportunities for connection. When you were employed, the opportunities for connection were already built at your work. You socialized daily whether your work was in-person, remote, or hybrid. How can you create opportunities for connection? It can be straightforward, going outside and seeing people. It can be through practicing a hobby or sport. The connection can be through online outlets. It can be chatting with your neighbor or speaking with the dog owner in the park. It can be reconnecting with your friends.
The fourth tip is to support yourself around self-esteem. Being laid off is a significant threat to your self-esteem. The familiar feeling of being unemployed is feeling not good enough. You might feel something is wrong with you or your co-workers are better than you. You might find yourself telling yourself that you are a failure and others are better than you. When you engage in this inner dialogue, you might find yourself feeling insecure. Bring awareness to your inner critic. Ask yourself who tells you that you failed or others are better than you. You will be surprised to notice a split in yourself: one part of you constantly beats you up, and another part is always available to be the easy target of this beat-up. Start thinking aloud about what might be the alternative outlet for feeling good about yourself besides your job until you land a new job opportunity. It is essential to start thinking and outlining new options to feel good about yourself.
The fifth tip in dealing with unemployment is to focus on things you can control. Being laid off is always something unexpected, outside of your control. Focusing on things that you can control provides a feeling of control. Start creating a schedule for what the day will be. You can include all types of activities or tasks that you will be doing. For example, your daily routine might consist of a job search, going outside, doing sports, watching Netflix, napping, etc. By outlining each activity, defining the time for this activity, and putting it in your calendar, you engage in behavior that gives you a feeling of control and stability. Remember your thoughts, feelings, and behavior are connected and vis versus. What does it mean? It means engaging in a daily routine that we can achieve impacts our feelings -feelings good about ourselves and thoughts- our positive self-image.
If what you read so far resonates with you and you would like to get more individual support, please do not hesitate to schedule a free 15-minute consultation session with me.
