The Cycle of Avoidance or My Journey How I Learned To Drive

I started taking driving lessons back in my country, Belarus. To take driving lessons in my country is a big deal. You have to register with the driving school that provides lessons. You have to attend theory classes for a month. Yes, I am not joking. The reason why people had to take theory classes is that the road rules are very complex. There are lots of stipulations, there are lots of signs, exceptions. The driving school is a real school, no jokes about it. While I was taking theory classes, I also started taking driving practice classes.

When the theory and practice lessons were over, I had to take a theory test. It took me 3 times to pass it. Then I had to take a driving test. It took me four times to do it. The overall time I spent in this driving school and passing tests was probably seven months. I also have to add that driving car was never fascinating to me. I also had lots of anxiety about driving. And of course, all this experience in the driving school confirmed my biases that driving a car is challenging, anxiety-provoking, and is not for me. So it's better not to ride. A long story short, when I finally got my driving license, I never drove by myself. My driving license was put on a shelf. .

When I came to New York and was riding in the passenger seat on the FDR the idea of driving became even more foreign to me. Plus you can rely on public transportation living in the city. I was purposefully avoided driving for 10 years. I was also justified very well why I cannot do it.

One day I made a decision to learn again how to drive. I started taking driving lessons in NYC. If you ever drove in NYC, you can do it anywhere. The amount of traffic is pretty bad. It is almost impossible to find parking in a lot of areas. The number of drivers that have road rage, the amount of impatience, or drivers who are not following the road rules, I cannot describe it. Ironically, it was a perfect scenario for my anxiety. It was pretty much the worst nightmare to learn to drive in New York.

I have a pretty good recollection of my first driving lesson. My heart was beating. The bus and huge trucks were passing by. I was pretty much terrified. My body felt so tense. I had butterflies in my stomach. The intensity of the experience was that I felt as if I am not driving but taking an intense cardio class. I survived my first lesson. In my second lesson, I experienced the same sensation and thoughts, but I also knew that I made it through my first lesson. I broke the cycle of avoidance.

The anxiety thrives when we avoid or procrastinate. Fear tells us a message. It will be difficult. You will not be able to do it. You will fail. By breaking the cycle of avoidance, we learned new information about ourselves. We are capable of doing. It is hard, but it is possible. We can still be anxious and do it. I finally got NYC driving license. The next challenge was for me to learn how to drive by myself without a driving instructor. At first, I was practicing driving with my partner. It was very reassuring but again reinforced my biases that driving without him will be hard. One day I decided this is a day. I told myself: “You will drive by yourself." I drove 10 blocks. My heart was beating, and I felt again as if I went to cardio class, but I broke another cycle of avoidance.

Therapy provides a safe place to explore the cycle of avoidance, bring awareness, and identify thoughts, feelings, body sensations, or past experiences that are stopping you.

What have you been avoiding or procrastinating in your life? You deserve to get help and support. Start your self-discovery journey today.